A Singers Death一個歌手的死亡

October 18th, 2002, a sad day to most fans, for their idol Luo Wen left them forever. It's really bad news to the HK music circles, as well as to me.
        Luo Wen, in my mind, was always strict with himself in his singing career.  His early song were all vigorous and inspiring,partly for the special social environment at that time.  Later, as the idol singers came up one after another, the old songs were not fit for the young fans, so he tried to change his style.  And these years, he began to help some new singers to improve their skills. His songs were so influential that the HK Minister of Finance even used one to encourage all the citizens to work hard to gether and overcome the difficulty bravely.
       Unfortunately, about two years ago, the news that he got cancer flew into our ears. However, he still went on singing and teaching. He had been struggling with the disease until the last minute. As the newspapers reported, he didn't close his eyes when he died. Someone said it was because he had a wish unfulfilled. He had hoped to give the last performance in HK in September, but his illness prevented him from doing that. It may be the biggest regret in his life. It's also said that he only weighed 32 kilograms at the end of his life. You can't imagine how much he had suffered from the disease. But every time we saw him in public, he was wearing a smile.
       The next day, many newspapers reported his death and simultaneously praised him for his contribution to the HK music circles and his spirit of struggling against the disease. He set a good
example for those young people who don't value their lives.

簡  評
    在香港歌手羅文因病逝世之際，作者寫了這篇文章，表達了對羅文的深切哀悼。文中，作者綜述了羅文對香港歌壇的貢獻，如在演唱風格上他不斷地變化創新，致力于培養樂壇新人，他對公眾的影響力等，頌揚了他與疾病做斗爭的頑強精神，最后作者號召大家珍惜生命的價值。字里行間流露出作者對羅文的喜愛，對他不幸逝世的惋惜和對他人格的敬仰。
    文中的一些具體細節和例子使文章生動不少，如香港財政司長用他的歌來鼓舞市民努力工作，克服困難；他因未完成最后的心愿而死不瞑目；他在飽受病魔折磨之際仍然面帶微笑地出現在公眾面前等。
    但這篇文章在構思上的一大缺陷是由于對羅文的介紹涉及了多個方面，均是一筆帶過，泛泛而談，沒有具體的展開，使文章顯得較為空洞、缺乏主題和深度。如果能就其中的某一點層層深入展開論述，人物的形象會更加鮮明、飽滿。文章的主題會更為明確，更為深刻。
    此外，文中還有幾處表達顯得生硬，如第三段中the news that he got cancer flew into our ears不符合英語的表達習慣，可改為word came that he had cancer。還有his illness prevented him from doing that，最好改為he was too weak to do that。